She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
