I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
