I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
