The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
