The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
