The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize