I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
