I need to stop coming to work sober
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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