I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
