I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
