I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
