508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
