so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
