i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
