call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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