So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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