3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
