paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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