just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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