Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
