he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
