Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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