I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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