What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
