did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everything about him screamed your future.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
