I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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