Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
