Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
