Are we in a gay sports bar?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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