life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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