I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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