I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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