It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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