can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
