Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
