Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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