even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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