As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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