I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
