i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Never underestimate the power of titties
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