I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
