Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
