he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
