she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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