Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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