it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
