You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
