I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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