yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
