At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
