Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
