i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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