Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
