If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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