He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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