The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
