He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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