i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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