I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
